A Secret Treasure

My daughter, Camryn, is a prolific author and illustrator. I do not see most of the stuff she writes and draws simply because of the sheer volume. She writes and draws on everything - including the furniture, which we've had more than one conversation about. She does it all over her school work (driving her teacher nuts), her napkins at the dinner table, just everywhere. So, most of it goes unnoticed. I take a quick look sometimes as I am gathering up piles of it to toss in the recycling bin. We've gotten her lots of blank books, sketch books, doodle pads, etc. to keep the abuse to the furniture at a minimum. These books are strategically placed throughout the house, at the dinner table, next to her bed, on the floor in the play room, on the coffee table in the living room. Just literally strewn all over my house. Again, I never really look at them. But the other day I was cleaning up the kids' room and I noticed the composition book on the floor next to the bed. It did not say "do not read" like some of them do. So I opened it. Mostly it is filled with pictures of her "bed stuffed animals" and little stories about them. But as I flipped through the title My Mom, on the last pages, caught my eye. We had quite a little skirmish at bed-time the night before and I was sure she was letting her frustration out in her book (she does that a lot). One thing about Camryn, she tells it as she feels it - she certainly doesn't hold back. And I guess that's why this one touched my heart.

I am a little hesitant about posting this. For one, I did not ask permission, in fact I did not tell her that I read it (I'm not sure why). And for another it's a bit personal. But I do want to share it for all the parents who work hard all day and go to bed feeling like they are just not connecting with their kids sometimes. Reading this hit home for me that parenting is not about the minute by minute stuff that goes on. It's not about the mad rush to get out of the house in the morning and the struggle to get homework done in the evening. I can't even describe it, best I can say is it's in the constancy of being. What the heck does that mean? Well, maybe Camryn says it better, so here it is: (I've tried to use some of her line breaks and punctuation in typing this - since that is part of the cuteness.)
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MY MOM by Camryn, 8 years old.


Gentle in her kind soul
Affectionate at times,
loving, carrying, full of joy.

A wonderful cook, a realtor, a mom.
A kind a caring person,
her love for animals . . .
just like mine.

She's aerobic, athletic,
and strong too.
Sometimes ordery
and tells us what to do.

Sometimes she's harsh
and seems mean.
But inside . . .
we know she's not always that green.

A keen and smart young woman
and when she runs she dashes
and she darts like a bullet.
I think she could be an iron mom
without a doubt, sure to me she is one.

All that hard work is not always fun,
always entertaining everyone . . .
She believes in having fun.

I love ya Hun
she would say every night.
Sometimes we get into a fight
but I don't ever bite.

Every night she turns off the light,
then says, love ya Hun,
night, night!
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I still don't know why, but I am going to go put the book back where I found it and not tell her that I read it. Part of the gift is in knowing that she put down her thoughts with no intention of having an audience (me). I love that she didn't present it to me for praise or scrutiny. I will try to remember this the next time she etches a drawing into the front of my dresser with the edge of a paper clip!!

GLUTEN FREE IRISH SODA BREAD

First things first, I have to tell you that this is not a picture of the Irish Soda Bread that I made on St. Patrick's Day - because that one was completely gone faster than I could reach for a camera. Yes, it was that good - or maybe we were just that hungry! And also, this is not "my" recipe, but I did make a few modifications to it. But my review is that this Irish Soda Bread was very fast and easy to make and delicious. It also did not have that sometimes tell-tale "gluten free after taste" or "weird texture". I think that this recipe will also make a very good scone. I will be working on that soon and will post my results. But without further delay - below is the recipe from Whole Foods and below that are the modifications that I made to the original. I hope you give it a try and enjoy!

Makes 1 loaf

This gluten-free version of the classic Irish soda bread is flavorful and crumbly, rather like an oversized scone, and best eaten within a day or two of baking.

Ingredients
2/3 cup rice flour

1/2 cup potato starch

1/4 cup almond flour 1/4 cup tapioca flour

1 tablespoon sugar

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon xanthan gum

Pinch of ground cardamom

3/4 cup buttermilk

1/3 cup dried currants, soaked in hot water overnight and drained

3 ounces (3/4 stick) unsalted butter, melted

1 egg, beaten

Method
Preheat oven to 350°F. Put rice flour, potato starch, almond flour, tapioca flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, xanthan gum, and cardamom into a large bowl and stir to combine. Set aside. Put buttermilk, currants, butter, and egg into a second bowl and stir well to combine. Slowly pour buttermilk mixture over flour mixture and stir until combined. The batter will be sticky and thick. Spread batter into a greased and rice-floured 6-inch pan and bake for 30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center of the bread comes out clean. Slice bread and serve warm, or set aside to let cool to room temperature and serve.

Nutrition
Per serving (1 slice/57g-wt.): 160 calories (60 from fat), 7g total fat, 4g saturated fat, 3g protein, 21g total carbohydrate (1g dietary fiber, 3g sugar), 35mg cholesterol, 190mg sodium.

Here are the changes that I made (mostly due to lack of proper ingredients):

I did not have buttermilk so I used 1/2 C of plain, non-fat Greek yogurt mixed with 1/4 C. milk. And I did not have any currants so I used raisins. I did not soak them overnight but did let them sit in some very hot water for a few minute to just sort of "plump up". I also added a decent sized glob of honey since honey has moistening properties. I baked it in a 8" cake pan but next time will use something a little smaller for a little bit of a taller bread. I also think this recipe is sorely lacking salt and leaves it falling a little flat in taste (although that can be made up for with butter). Next time I will add about 1/4 teaspoon of salt.

It tasted great straight out of the oven and also toasted with a little butter and honey.

Friday the 13th: A Run with Carl Jung

Today I went for a run with Carl Jung. Okay I just had to use that sentence. But here is what I mean - I was thinking about this quote by Carl Jung, while I was running: "There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness."

I've had this quote in my head for a while now (maybe about 3 years) and I guess I have been trying to figure out if it is a personal truth for me (okay, I admit, I was watching Dr. Phil yesterday while I was on the trainer, sorry about the "personal truth" thing). But rather, does Jung's philosophy ring true for me? Whenever I try to think about it, it is just too big. For me it is like trying to contemplate the sand on the beach or the stars in the galaxy. I get overwhelmed. Maybe I'm just not the sharpest tool in the shed.

But today Carl kind of narrowed it down a bit by putting it in terms of just one day - or even just one run. So, to back up a bit, I am fighting a yucky little head cold. Nothing serious, but definitely annoying and putting a major damper on my training plans for the week. I was supposed to run yesterday but just couldn't get to it. Today, although feeling worse I figured I had no choice. I dragged all day with a drippy nose and headache dreading the idea of a medium length run with 10 sets of speed intervals thrown in for good measure. I finally resigned that I would do the run but skip the speed. I got my gear on and finally got out the door after debating about bringing tissues or use this opportunity to practice the "snot rockets" I've been reading up on. I won't tell you what I decided . . . so I start out slow and decide to take a route that has a sidewalk now that the snow has finally cleared. A mile into the run I hit a little pot hole at the end of some one's driveway (between sidewalks), twisted my ankle, lunged forward and tried to recover my stride but hit sand and had the dog pulling me from the waist and down I went. When I hit the ground Sam didn't realize what "went down" and kept running giving me a break dancer like spin to finish off my graceful move. I stayed down there for a minute. First thought: crap - I bet I broke my ankle. Second thought: crap - there goes the school bus, I bet all my kids' friends saw me do it. Third thought: call home and get a ride back to the house, crawl into bed and don't come out. I take a quick inventory - hand is bleeding, ankle feels twisted but definitely not broken, hip is bleeding, shin is bleeding. Decision time: Nothing spurs me on like road rash I tell ya! Up I go, I can walk on it so I decide it's going to hurt a lot more if I go home than if I keep my natural meds flowing and finish up the run. Starting out slow again and suddenly there is glass all over the sidewalk and the dog steps right on it and lets out a yelp. I pause the stop watch again and sit down and remove a shard of glass from his paw And I remind him that I was much nicer about helping him out than he was with me! Start the clock again and now we're both limping a little.

Now, if I am going to run with a cold, a twisted ankle and blood oozing from three parts of my body - it's gonna count. Bring on those speed intervals. That's when Carl joined me. First I realized that my head had cleared and I could actually breathe through my nose for the first time in days and the headache was gone. The sun was shinning and it felt good on my back. Then I noticed a road kill bunny on the side of the road. I notice these things because I need to keep killer Sam in check, the last thing I want is to look down and see him carrying a bunny. So as I am instructing him "leave it" an 18 wheeler comes zooming by and pops the thing like a pinata right next to me! Carl speaks up and reminds me that it is good that the bunny is already dead and none of it got on my shoes. True enough Carl, thanks for the perspective.

Nothing else traumatic happens on the run - toward the end I saw a beautiful red tailed hawk overhead and I thought - oh, it will probably poop on me! But it didn't!! And Carl reminded me that I can feel happy that the large bird didn't crap on me, because I fell in a ditch and got all bloody. Maybe I'm a little delirious and not finding the right words to explain this, and well, maybe nobody really cares anyway. But, what I am getting at is that I finally sort of get that quote. Because I have a crummy head cold I can appreciate my ability to breathe through my nose. Because a few minutes earlier I was lying on my back on the side of the road, I can now enjoy the warm feeling of the nearly Spring sunshine heating up my black jacket. Because I just saw a poor bunny get blown to bits on the side of the road, I can take a moment and enjoy the beauty of the redtail hawk soaring overhead.

Carl explained to me that even on just this one little happy run there was a "measure of darkness". And I would have clearly failed to see today's run as a happy run if it had not been "balanced by sadness". And just in case Martha is reading this: I finished all 10 speed intervals!

It is a good thing that I have some very long runs (for me) planned over the next few weeks - because Carl and I have a lot more to talk about. I mean, like I get it about today but I am not sure I can reconcile it with people who endure great sadness, illness, hardship. Does it balance out? Is it reciprocal? And what role does perception have in happiness and sadness. For instance what about the person who feels that they are challenged by something that others would find rather insignificant. And how about those who are pretty easy to please?

I think I need to buy new running shoes, Carl's got some real 'splainin to do!

My Dog Sam - He's a Real Dog's Dog!

I love dogs. I have always . . . . always, always had a dog. I think maybe there was a sum total of about 5 years of my life when I was without a dog. During that time I was in mourning over my dog Meg. She was my transitional dog. She saw me out of my childhood, went to college with me and helped me become an adult. She died just a couple of years short of getting to meet my children. Growing up I always had a dog. They were considered family members. They traveled with us, slept in our beds, ate people food, etc.

After Meg "went off to college" (aka died) I swore I'd never love another! But much to my dismay, my daughter's first full sentence was "I need a dog!". And she wasn't kidding. She's an animal person. She neeeeded a dog. So we held a family meeting and decided that after house breaking a set of twin humans we were really in no position to house train another animal. So we put out word that we were looking to adopt. We read all sorts of descriptions of dogs and decided we'd most like a Samoyed. We started the process of adopting a Samoyed through Samoyed rescue - an extensive project mind you that involves home visits etc. But while we were awaiting the perfect pooch - word of our search got out locally and one day a mom on the playground said - "I know an older woman who is moving to a condo, she has a three year old Samoyed who needs a home". Bingo! Sam came to visit a few times. The kids fell head over heels in love. Then he started to come for weekends and he accepted the then 3 year olds as his "pack". Then slowly he made the transition to being a member of our pack. Unlike all the other dogs I've had in my life - Sam is not a "people" dog but rather we have become his dog pack. He's 100% D.O.G.

Sam spends all of his time outside (except in the height of summer when he can't stand the heat and then retreats to the basement). He comes in at dinner time to eat then goes back outside to bark his head off well past sun-down and comes in at night to sleep but probably would be just as happy if we laid out a pile of straw under "his tree" in the front yard for him.

As a breed, Samoyed are sled dogs, pullers and long distance runners. I held to my promise of never falling in love with another dog for a while. After all this was the kid's dog. Their turn to experience canine love. And they do! And by the way they are excellent at taking care of him - they feed him, brush him, occasionally walk him, etc. They are fabulous, responsible, loving pet owners. But then I started to run with Sam and we fell in love. I bought him a sledding harness which he wears when we run. A friend of mine who is a veterinarian (and a runner) warned me not to take him further than 5 miles, especially as he is getting older - he just turned 9.

But he and I can't resist. He was literally born to run. He asks me at least 3 times a day everyday to run. He sulks and cries when he sees me leave the house with my gym bag, clearly a swimming day. He knows sit, stay and BRICK - which to him means sit and stay as I ride away on my bike 'cause when I come back you're up! He's allowed on any run up to 8 miles anything over that and I worry about him (not that we're moving all that fast). When I put on spandex he squeals with delight - not a reaction I get from any human! And I have to admit, I've fallen in love. I love the way he asks to run - he looks at me and sniffs my knees. If I don't respond he gently nudges my knees with his snout. If I still don't respond he gently puts his mouth around my hand and "herds" me towards the door. How can I say no?

But here is where the love runs a little thin. This incredible sled dog thinks he's out on the tundra or part of a sled team pack. Lately he has been barking at our back woods well into the night. There is something going on back there that is upsetting him. Last week he went into the woods and emerged with a tail! Yes, a tail. After we freaked out a bit, we had a close look and decided it seemed to be either a coyote tail or maybe a fox tail. Today the kids were outside enjoying the warm weather when I heard them screaming. I jumped up thinking someone was hurt and much to my surprise they were yelling at Sam who had emerged from the woods with the entire leg of a deer (hoof and all) in his mouth! YUCK!!

He's a dog through and through. But he's our yucky dog and we love him. Maybe once the snow melts he'll stop having his sled dog delusions of grandeur and go back to being a nice little pet!

Unhappy Anniversary

Today is the third anniversary of Camryn's diagnosis with diabetes. I can't come up with anything witty or pithy to say on this subject. We try every day to find the silver lining and make the "lemons into lemonade". I won't turn it into a pity post, but it still stinks. Sure we're moving on and in many ways learning, growing and thriving but . . .

Enough of that - I guess I will just give you some links to some tremendous heroes. Diabetes is not just a daily challenge, but an hourly challenge. And in my opinion (and Camryn's) no one rises to those challenges more than diabetic athletes. These are people that serve as true role models that there are no limits!

If you are the parent of a diabetic - take heart in the fact that your kids can go far and achieve greatness. And if you are an endurance athlete (or an endurance athlete wannabe) and you've ever had to manage your nutrition in a long event - you just gotta check these folks out! What they do is nothing short of amazing and their spirit and tenacity is without compare.

Camryn's personal favorite is Bruce Linton - Ididarod dogsled musher, triathlete and marathon runner.

Team Type 1 - professional, big time cycling team. These guys are as pro as any cyclist and have amazing challenges. If you think you worry about bonking on the bike you just gotta see what they are up against.

How about an Ironman? Take a look at Jay Hewitt and David Weingard. All great role models for health, nutrition and perserverence.

If you read some of the materials about these athletes you will get a gist of their heavy reliance on some of the latest and greatest in diabetes care: insulin pumps, continuous glucose sensors, etc. Much of the latest technology is in no small part due to the research funds that come from JDRF. The Artificial Pancreas which looms on the horizon will bring more freedom to these athletes and all people enduring each day with type 1 diabetes.

So, yes it's me making yet another plug for our cause. . . The JDRF Ride for a Cure. Every dollar brings all those with type 1 diabetes closer to reaching their fullest potential.

Happy anniversary to my little angel - I know you'll achieve greatness, you already have!

The Essential Home Gym

Is exercise equipment a waste of money? It's all how you look at it. The first piece of gym equipment we ever bought was the Aerobic Rider, we paid full price for it (don't remember how much that was at the time) and it is indeed serving as the proverbial clothing rack! The other picture is of the home gym that we have fully outfitted on Craig's List, Free Cycle and tag sales all for under $100 (bikes, not included, although they are also previously owned). Come to think of it, all of that equipment combined cost less than my current pair of running shoes!

Those pieces of home gym equipment are totally luxury items - we are lucky to have the space (although it does not take much - about 15o SF). We use the equipment and it has not befallen the fate of the Aerobic Rider. It's really nice to have it here for days when the weather is really bad, or the kids are home sick, etc. But these are not the essentials.

These are the essentials: physioball, a bunch of tension bands (not pictured), foam roller and I'd like a set of those perfect push-up thingies but for now using a set of weights as hand grips works (waiting for them to show up on Craig's List). This stuff takes almost no room at all, in fact all of it except the ball live under my bed. I can always squeeze in time while the kids are doing homework or getting ready for bed (which still seems to take them forever) for a full core workout. Which reminds me to recommend this book: Core Essentials by Mark Vestergen. Great stuff that has helped me with everything from lower back pain to tight hamstrings and sore feet. A fantastic recommendation from a great Coach for which my body is extremely grateful. If you do pick up this book, I highly recommend the "movement prep" section before every run. Loosens everything up and now nothin' hurts when I run - and that's worth the price of the book right there!

So I guess it all comes down to space and time, something so many of us feel we just don't have enough of. But look between the lines you just might find a tiny bit of space under the bed or a few minutes while kids brush their teeth. It's all how you look at it. Weather forecasters are talking about snow . . . maybe I'll go dig out that Aerobic Rider and see if I can sell it on Craig's List!